So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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