i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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