if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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