I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
