just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
