I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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