And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
