Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
