I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Four minutes until I can fart!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The uberlube is also flammable
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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