I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
