I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
