OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
