I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
