The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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