Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
