she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
