The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
