Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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