my soul wont recognize me after tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
