plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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