sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
