I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
