The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
