I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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