i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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