my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
