I puked a lego.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
