In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Couch. On fire.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
