I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
