Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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