its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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