Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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