I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry about my life...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
