its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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