insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
