Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
