Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
