just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
