mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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