Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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