why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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