put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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