Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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