Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
