So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
