I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
