dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
