yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
