oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
