i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
