Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
