I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
