How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
