I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
