bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
