the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
