I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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