You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
