He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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