If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
