Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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