I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
