we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
