It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
