Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize