My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
