:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
