i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The beer is more important than you right now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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