If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
