so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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