I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
