Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it glows. i had to have it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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