So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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